My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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