i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Randomize