These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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