He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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