It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
