You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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