Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
this hospital has no fireball
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
