Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
then he tried to convert me to islam
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Randomize