I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
