hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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