Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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