I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
