Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize