I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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