I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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