I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
