youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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