We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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