So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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