I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
