I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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