please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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