After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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