I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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