Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
