remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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