obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
