so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
