Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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