I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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