I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
