Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
