How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
