I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
porn star boner night. come get it.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize