So drunk its hurt
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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