fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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