well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just threw up on my dentist
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
