i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
