i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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