I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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