And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
