I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize