WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
