Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
