You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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