Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
