shes about as inviting as chlamydia
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
