I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
