Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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