god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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