i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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