If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
