i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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