i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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