Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
