if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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