i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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