My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
