My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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