If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
