happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
