shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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