Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
