Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
