ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
