yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
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