I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So squirting runs in the family.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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