So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
