My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
