I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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