I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize