I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
