I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i drank out of a bidet.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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