we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
