Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
