i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
