I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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