just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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