I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
