I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
