I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
