There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
