My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
