Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
