we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
so much tequila, so little girl.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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