my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
