am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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