My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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