There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
