This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
