I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
